Through Ashes And Dust, A Penitence Of Time Part 2...\m/...

       10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 666 times and so on we tink to ourselves how much we will change. A better tomorrow, a better future, an improvement of yourself, that is how you could feel without much of a burden around your shoulder, and when things go so well your emotions make it feel like those bitter past have gone and you improve to your better bidding. Just because you are not in it anymore, does not mean you are an improvement to yourself. An imrpovement to yourself is going through the same shit or a greater shit than before and seeing how you perform and cope with it during the current moment that tells of how capable of you are today and right now in this very moment. There are past so bitter, that no matter how much sweets or sour plums you take in will not kill the bitterness that resides in your taste bud. When the past is so bitter, it forms a set of thoughts and beliefs within your mind and heart, that culminates into your feelings and thus make of yourself today, a product of your past, a lesson you may learnt too much of it, that you are being hyper sensitive to not have things being repeated or having the taste of the bitterness you once had before.
      It is not like you wanted it to happen, but the fact is within your very own self, how you are today is what you experienced and learnt from the past, it is matter of fact whether you learn it in a good way or a bad way, whichever you define it is good or bad for yourself. It is not surprising how an innocent and good being can be polluted by dirt and darkness and forms himself the villain he is today or should I say cold and darker self of him/herself today. How things can force a pure being to think and act out of bitterness from their past. Once he/she was not like how they are, it is surprising to learn that some villians have a great and pure past than they are today, but after things go awry and wrong for them, they got betrayed, hurt and pushed to the limits of themselves (humans have a limit to themselves, breaking the boudaries of it can cause great harm to oneself, like the saying goes, too much of something isn't good) and gets them out of their naive state. They see more and they hear more, being more cautious and losing trust among people. So to say naive can be good or bad in a way of how you place that term in a situation. People loses trust in others due to their past of betrayals and lies, especially by those they trust so much to be cheated in the end. People loses faith in people because of how they are treated and being mistreated in a way that they find other people are not reliable anymore. Until a day comes when they will realize not all things are like how they seem. But like I said this kind of situation makes one a little more sensitive than usual, with a situation that gives them back the same old feeling as before, that they could not trust or makes it difficult to trust. One that got thrust into the heart of darkness from the foul being of others, is something that makes it harder to endure as all live their life among the living and until the end you live among them and die among them..........

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Into Oblivion...

      What is common of the words of many that one must not keep gurdges, one must let go of vengeance from their heart. One must make peace and not war. One must learn to love than to hate. One must free their soul and mind from all hatred of all kinds and learn to make peace with any of them. No matter how much you make peace with your hatred, there is always a fragment left behind, malignant like a cancer cell that spreads and grow like tumor in the body. Vengeance is neverending, once you took your vengeance, another vengeance is created towards yourself, a cycle that keeps on repeating until one calls for a truce and repent for their own actions, and break the cycle of vengeance. It is foolish they said to keep grudges towards people, it only puts yourself in the shoes of defeat in the very first place while your enemy lives on happily and laugh in your face of disgrace. Vengeance does not heal, even you had your vengeance, what you once lost is lost and you never regain it back as how it is. Hatred as the core to those to vengeance similarly does not brings any satisfaction to you once you put those you hated in harms way, and strip them of their happiness. It adds to your sin and makes things worse around you, you created a dark patch within yourself that constantly grows until it takes you down into the deep abyss of your life. The hell you created by your own. Nothing is solve, things remain the same. Hatred goes back to you and you pay for what you did and you want another payback to them.
      So it is said that no matter what nothing will be solved, but in the very essence of the human souls, created of darkness that lies within. The very morbid reality that you live, a reality without the law, where things can go the way you wanted to, it is inevitable to your thoughts of carnage that it created. The thought of those you hate keeps you in anger and hatred, no matter how much you calm yourself and make peace within your mind, there will always be something relative that erupt the sleeping volcano in you. Unsatisfactory it is as long they are alive, how much you evade, their existence brings nuisance to you. What keep you happy and contented after hatred is the dispel of their existence from this very realm you live in. How can one agree to such deeds of the flesh, but put one in your thought of your own, on those people who done you wrong and those you hated, without their existence, how much better off you will be in this realm where such existence you hated does not exist anymore. In the mind, the thought of those you hate disappears from the mind, thinking how much better it would be if they are not around, killing in your thoughts, how you wish they could be killed off without leaving a trace, how you wish you have the guts to perform such despicable act to those. Or the act of righteousness of your own. One can only be truly satisfied by the killing of another person, dispel of their existence and your hatred once and for all. Nothing remains but their memory which will fade to black once they are gone. The smile on your face, the true smile that lies within your heart, ecstatic as you can be, a sense of overwhelming euphoria that puts in you in the biggest cloud 9 you can get, on that very moment once you see their blood in your hands, lying motionlessly in the ground where they lay to waste. The destroying of an existence, wiping it out from the face of the earth, grants one of the greatest happiness one could get, the relief of their hatred, a medicine to their pain, the satisfaction of their non-existent that will not be off any trouble anymore, it may seem morbid to think about it but to try to think about it, and one can feel the smile from the heart which they never will know (but hatred could be dispel back on you by the dead man friends and love ones, that explains why the puunishment of the annihilation of the bloodline and genocides and mass killing and massacre). Denying of the fact that comes with the effect of good and evil, what we were taught that is ought to be done by society and religion. "Thy shalt not kill" to place a seal on the action of humans, to create peace and harmony, to seal off human true primitive nature. One can still never escape the blissful thought of relieving hatred and vengeance by wiping off their existence and anything that got to do with it.

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