He walks in circle, a thousand round wondering wondering and wondering. His mind sways from the sweet barren earth to the bitter stint of lost and contempt. Too many things to do in such a seemingly little time. Too many things want to achieve but the barrier to achievement are too strong to be penetrate. There are many things not going his way to the path he wants to follow. Things always do not go on your way as you wanted or expected. A twist in the myth it is for those who plan their life so well but end up turning to the corner of the world wondering is this what they really want? Some say your life is plan by the higher force of nature who lives beyond our reality, some say things happen for a reason but what reason?
He is not exactly doing the things he love most now in his life, what he loves most was just blocked away by those he love less. A dilemma that had been reconstructing in his mind and soul continuously without limitation. He might just reap his skull open one day and left for himself for dead under the dim illumination of the lamp post in a dark empty street. The moth shall lay upon his skull and there be his soul dwell within the moth to fly for enlightenment over the orange light of the lamp. Enough of mourning, he shall look ahead for something he couldn't see which might turn out to be a little shed of hope for himself...hopefully...
On the day of the Friar which is the day of considerably high amount of evil in certain religion context. Ok, what I am actually trying to say is that it is a Friday, the F day. Last F day, Lilin, Reveral and me when to the City Centre to do some snapshots for our assignment which turn out supposedly serious work into fun-come-chaotic hussle and bussle of jam packed situation on the road. It was a really good outing, the down-factor of it is that Reveral and me are still sick. She having her cough and me with my feverish condition, sore throat and loads of those thick greenish infected gluey eeewy phlegm in my nostrils, throat and trachea *simply wanna add more biological term in there for the fun of it, kinda forgot whats trachea is actually*. We hope the picture we took meet the standard of our lecturer who is kind off like a very professional photographer who judge pictures meticulously. I do not have much confident in my pictures, I am not even sure about the characteristic of "bright and dark" and "few and lot". This is really one of my trickiest yet sounded simple but really hard assignment for me. After all is done, I head on the separate ways with them, they took the train while I took the SJ bus. Stood in the bus which remain at the same spot for half an hour plus or so which got me really bothered at that time. I do not have good impression on the city's SJ public bus service. The makcikkk conductor in the bus there keep pesturing all of us to cramp at together by folding up our body so that 1 space can stand 2 humans. She stated "laki laki sana, pompuan pompuan sini, laki laki sana" padahal the sana there are other ladies as well. I do not get what she meant. Then she came towards me and grad both my hands and start tilting me left and right "eh eh dik dik, berdiri cam ni, mcm ni baru orang bleh masuk lg, skrang u masuk dlm lagi". Seriously? .... I couldn't care less, this is how it works here in this country. Still a 3rd world mindset. We are all use to it ain't we? I got off at Amplunged Arena and collected my weapon of death for gladiator practice in a training death camp, our band of brothers did well we were all exhausted and worn out for the night. Got home, long hot shower, strepsils, start summarizing my day and thinking and thinking.
It's good to see Moca again when we arrive at the City Centre, it has been 1 year plus that we didn't see each other. Good to see her on the right day where she screwed her own bangs.
Sailin'Off...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The return of a new resentment...
Did you know that being called "fucker" sounds way better than being called an "idiot" or "stupid"? He can laugh it all out like the world could not hear his laughter when being called "fucker" and get swelled from within when being called an "idiot". The FUCK word was once a taboo to be use in ordinary conversation but it does not seem that way anymore as it became a noun and an adjective to anything around the world. It is more of a norm to him and for a lot of those around him whilst the word IDIOT and STUPID is way more offensive than anything. It tells about your mentality, your intelligence that it meant you are good for nothing and penny size fool who just got drop out of a pocket of a beggar. That is how he sees the word. It is more of the in-depth meaning behind it rather than just a word, what to say BASTARD which meant you are a son/daughter of a whore. People try your best not to use the word "idiot, stupid" anymore, break out from that habit as you do not know how much it could hurt a feeling seriously from within. He knows different people sees thing differently but this is for those who will feel like how he felt. Use the word "fuck" instead if you could help it, promote the greatness of FUCK, a universal god-like word that could one day rule the world with a Fuck Salute. Hail FUCK!!!
Blood pressure checked 2 days ago and he got the highest among his peers which 137 **** whatever the term it is called. Based on the nurse on duty, it is not exactly that really at all yada yada normal as people his age are suppose to be 120 or below. Maybe it is due to the lack of sleep and the high quantity of caffeine he have been INJECTING myself lately with. Or maybe he just thinks too much... Whatever is it, it is better to take precaution early since prevention is better than cure. He do not mind to die *really???* but just not ready to get nag by his grandparents and ancestors and so on in the afterlife...
There are just too many things going on in his head tonight as usual and one thing that inspired him to write this out, is what he come across not that long ago. He couldn't help himself but to scrawled it out here to ejaculate that shitty thought out of his mind. People could read this thing, but he do hope he manage to get something into anyones soul out there.
Something he thought he had totally forgotten and let go is in fact the matter that he couldn't forget and let go the most of all. It had been awhile, too much of awhile. Yet he sits there reading it, thinking of it, deciphering it, whine mentally over it, and wonder back why is he having all those not-suppose-to-be thoughts there? The truth is just right in front of his both eyes that couldn't see each other. He reminisce about it once again and knocking his head right through the wall and asking himself and anything beyond him "WHAT DOES THIS FUCKIN MEANT!?" the answer goes like this "Dear bro, yer still do have the feelings there right if I'm not mistaken, you just couldn't accept the fact how you are just forgotten that way, after times and times mentally self-hurting yourself, you still are a stubborn kid who could face the truth but could not handle the truth well enough..." So that is what Sir Davy Jones said to him from his treasure box. Davy Jones sure do know how to nag as well, not bad eh for a pirate lord...Awesome shizzo...Razor wasn't that good in the past nor he is now but he did try his best to content himself from all this. He wanted to do much more for her but just could not proceed on with it, he tried to lend a hand anytime anywhere possible. Not like he wanted something in return, just wondering why she just couldn't see him? A trash right from the stinkiest bed of the ocean he could be to her and just someone who do not deserve shit from anything or anyone. The lowest of the lowest class of human he is who is the scum of all humanoid beings. The evidence just keeps getting clearer and clearer but there is no definite fact out of it, just merely assumptions. But if it is, Razor was just stupid in a way that he is just so stupid he wouldn't mind himself being considered that way. "You can even chop my left hand if you need an extra hand, you could gouge my eyes if you want to play ping pong with it, you can hit me so bad if you despise me that much, you could scrape out my skin to keep you warmer in the cold, you can butcher my shoulder off for you to cry on, you could dig the fuck out of my heart if you need an extra box to keep your little secrets." You can't turn back the minute hand nor you can turn over again the hourglass, what is said and done is already said and done. Think of your past once again, seek your flaws and mistakes, tell yourself what should you do to make things better. What more can you ask for??? Nothing but for yourself to be happy for yourself and the ones you care...
Blood pressure checked 2 days ago and he got the highest among his peers which 137 **** whatever the term it is called. Based on the nurse on duty, it is not exactly that really at all yada yada normal as people his age are suppose to be 120 or below. Maybe it is due to the lack of sleep and the high quantity of caffeine he have been INJECTING myself lately with. Or maybe he just thinks too much... Whatever is it, it is better to take precaution early since prevention is better than cure. He do not mind to die *really???* but just not ready to get nag by his grandparents and ancestors and so on in the afterlife...
There are just too many things going on in his head tonight as usual and one thing that inspired him to write this out, is what he come across not that long ago. He couldn't help himself but to scrawled it out here to ejaculate that shitty thought out of his mind. People could read this thing, but he do hope he manage to get something into anyones soul out there.
Something he thought he had totally forgotten and let go is in fact the matter that he couldn't forget and let go the most of all. It had been awhile, too much of awhile. Yet he sits there reading it, thinking of it, deciphering it, whine mentally over it, and wonder back why is he having all those not-suppose-to-be thoughts there? The truth is just right in front of his both eyes that couldn't see each other. He reminisce about it once again and knocking his head right through the wall and asking himself and anything beyond him "WHAT DOES THIS FUCKIN MEANT!?" the answer goes like this "Dear bro, yer still do have the feelings there right if I'm not mistaken, you just couldn't accept the fact how you are just forgotten that way, after times and times mentally self-hurting yourself, you still are a stubborn kid who could face the truth but could not handle the truth well enough..." So that is what Sir Davy Jones said to him from his treasure box. Davy Jones sure do know how to nag as well, not bad eh for a pirate lord...Awesome shizzo...Razor wasn't that good in the past nor he is now but he did try his best to content himself from all this. He wanted to do much more for her but just could not proceed on with it, he tried to lend a hand anytime anywhere possible. Not like he wanted something in return, just wondering why she just couldn't see him? A trash right from the stinkiest bed of the ocean he could be to her and just someone who do not deserve shit from anything or anyone. The lowest of the lowest class of human he is who is the scum of all humanoid beings. The evidence just keeps getting clearer and clearer but there is no definite fact out of it, just merely assumptions. But if it is, Razor was just stupid in a way that he is just so stupid he wouldn't mind himself being considered that way. "You can even chop my left hand if you need an extra hand, you could gouge my eyes if you want to play ping pong with it, you can hit me so bad if you despise me that much, you could scrape out my skin to keep you warmer in the cold, you can butcher my shoulder off for you to cry on, you could dig the fuck out of my heart if you need an extra box to keep your little secrets." You can't turn back the minute hand nor you can turn over again the hourglass, what is said and done is already said and done. Think of your past once again, seek your flaws and mistakes, tell yourself what should you do to make things better. What more can you ask for??? Nothing but for yourself to be happy for yourself and the ones you care...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Night of the 3Rs...
Night of the 3Rs it was at the 16th of February 2011. Remorse, Repent and Redemption. Scwallywags of the humble land of Amplunged traveled to the Connauxia town where they held the longest night market in the nation. Billy and one of his scrubble duck best matey Brixan took a tour of foot swabblin mud splashing lead into the night market along with maiden Sinissa. The night did not actually begin there, they took a break after all the walking to devour the tender meat they bought at Hex restaurant just around the corner.
They took a few bottle of grogs until 1 of them start spilling things out unexpectedly, the sign of drowsiness and tipsiness kicks in like a tiger sneaking in the backyard preying upon a harmless lil boy. Despite how Brixan is, a wonderful friend he is to Billy. A friend who cares for a friend but sometime hard for him to accomplish that as he thought he was selfish and so on and on, they are being honest with each other about what they think of each other, Billy still remembers the conversation. Maiden Sinissa got drag into it as a joke item once again but to Billy's apologies, it was just a joke that sounded a lil harsh. It happens all the time which can't be help but really do want to take that out of himself.
Do humans live life living for others or only for themselves? There are two ways in how people see it, in reality every individuals need to thrive hard and benefit themselves above the rest. Its a world of competition, and nothing is to be taken for granted. Trust not to anyone easily as the most trusted friend could eat you from your ass when you are not looking, because we do not know what others are thinking unless you are psychic or possessed great observant psychological skills to tell every reason of their actions and movements. We live life to face challenges and gain the upper hand above all, be rich, be successful, all for their own benefit. Show not mercy to those who stand in your way, charge like a battering ram charging down Nazis like a Rhino charging towards a horde of insane laughing hyenas. That is reality if people see it that way. Which I see is the fact as well seeing how the world is progressing towards a crazier realm...
Living life for others is on the other hand. There are many quotations out there stating about a high moral value of living this difficult life. How do humans find true happiness and the greatest of them all. The greatest pleasure of them all is not the having the best sex in the world eventhough I the writer haven't experience the best sexual intercourse with a girl in the world. It is the pleasure of contributing for the better good and towards people around us, seeing them happy through our acts are consider a divine pleasure one will ever felt. Why so? Doing the good and making others happy is way harder than being bad and evil. One could just go out and smack someone in the face and tell him/her "You look like a fucking ass whiny fuck slut who have a bastard mom with a wanker dad who sleeps around with sluts like your fucking good for nothing mom!!!" It is like a snap of a finger, you can go out and step on lil ants and bugs without feeling much of a remorse, you can go and show a middle finger and say FUCK YOU in their face, you hurt their feelings by giving the slightest insults. Moreover, humans are hard to please, they tend to see the bad and forget the millions good other humans do. You are sincere, you are honest, you do what's best for them all the time though the light years that past and a single mistake could throw you into the depth of hell and you will forever be remember of your single bad deeds and not your uncountable good contributions. You will be disgraced, disrespected and dishonored by your fellow mateys. This is how ugly the world can get, this is how pathetic many humans can be, and that is why many chose to abandon ethical and moral values when facing this reality to achieve their highest state of goals. They might have lost faith in doing good deeds and getting shit at their face in return.
The act of altruism is one of the hardest thing to do in life, many of strong desires as they expect good things in return for the deeds they do. Which usually do not happen that way, helping others comes straight from the heart with pure sincerity no matter what you get in return, you did something the ordinary eyes could not see. Living your life for others is an act fill with ethics and morality which we could hardly see this days in anyone, not even monks and pastors at religious shrines think that sort off way anymore. It is hard to sacrifice something you want or need for the sake of others, its this self-centered aura within almost every human beings that defeats the act of altruism. What can we conclude out of it, humans are weak being going through development and growth every second, their soul fog by lust and desire, to succeed with the pleasure of having gold in their hands which could not bring forth to their grave. Having external pleasure is not achieving tr happiness, have a thought of what you have been doing, how have u treated others, how much have you contribute for the higher good, how much help have you given out, how much sacrifices have you done which is not for yourself?...This difficult realistic life blurs the vision of almost every human, self treasure is what comes first. Each phase humans go through are fill with challenges, it is easier to walk away on your own than to carry a burden on your back, you may then have all your glory but worth does it give by leaving a man behind? Carry the burden of others while helping them to walk along with you is the hardest challenges around, not everyone are willing to do so as not one could achieve everything in a single go...Anyhow, will-power is one of the seven keys... It is your choice to choose, whatever your path leads you to, hope it leads you to where you want it to be. But do at least think of the others who once help led you there that you abandoned, especially your parents...This is all easier to be said than done, the fact is that no one is perfect, our heart is moved by many things...even the one who wrote out this post...
They took a few bottle of grogs until 1 of them start spilling things out unexpectedly, the sign of drowsiness and tipsiness kicks in like a tiger sneaking in the backyard preying upon a harmless lil boy. Despite how Brixan is, a wonderful friend he is to Billy. A friend who cares for a friend but sometime hard for him to accomplish that as he thought he was selfish and so on and on, they are being honest with each other about what they think of each other, Billy still remembers the conversation. Maiden Sinissa got drag into it as a joke item once again but to Billy's apologies, it was just a joke that sounded a lil harsh. It happens all the time which can't be help but really do want to take that out of himself.
Do humans live life living for others or only for themselves? There are two ways in how people see it, in reality every individuals need to thrive hard and benefit themselves above the rest. Its a world of competition, and nothing is to be taken for granted. Trust not to anyone easily as the most trusted friend could eat you from your ass when you are not looking, because we do not know what others are thinking unless you are psychic or possessed great observant psychological skills to tell every reason of their actions and movements. We live life to face challenges and gain the upper hand above all, be rich, be successful, all for their own benefit. Show not mercy to those who stand in your way, charge like a battering ram charging down Nazis like a Rhino charging towards a horde of insane laughing hyenas. That is reality if people see it that way. Which I see is the fact as well seeing how the world is progressing towards a crazier realm...
Living life for others is on the other hand. There are many quotations out there stating about a high moral value of living this difficult life. How do humans find true happiness and the greatest of them all. The greatest pleasure of them all is not the having the best sex in the world eventhough I the writer haven't experience the best sexual intercourse with a girl in the world. It is the pleasure of contributing for the better good and towards people around us, seeing them happy through our acts are consider a divine pleasure one will ever felt. Why so? Doing the good and making others happy is way harder than being bad and evil. One could just go out and smack someone in the face and tell him/her "You look like a fucking ass whiny fuck slut who have a bastard mom with a wanker dad who sleeps around with sluts like your fucking good for nothing mom!!!" It is like a snap of a finger, you can go out and step on lil ants and bugs without feeling much of a remorse, you can go and show a middle finger and say FUCK YOU in their face, you hurt their feelings by giving the slightest insults. Moreover, humans are hard to please, they tend to see the bad and forget the millions good other humans do. You are sincere, you are honest, you do what's best for them all the time though the light years that past and a single mistake could throw you into the depth of hell and you will forever be remember of your single bad deeds and not your uncountable good contributions. You will be disgraced, disrespected and dishonored by your fellow mateys. This is how ugly the world can get, this is how pathetic many humans can be, and that is why many chose to abandon ethical and moral values when facing this reality to achieve their highest state of goals. They might have lost faith in doing good deeds and getting shit at their face in return.
The act of altruism is one of the hardest thing to do in life, many of strong desires as they expect good things in return for the deeds they do. Which usually do not happen that way, helping others comes straight from the heart with pure sincerity no matter what you get in return, you did something the ordinary eyes could not see. Living your life for others is an act fill with ethics and morality which we could hardly see this days in anyone, not even monks and pastors at religious shrines think that sort off way anymore. It is hard to sacrifice something you want or need for the sake of others, its this self-centered aura within almost every human beings that defeats the act of altruism. What can we conclude out of it, humans are weak being going through development and growth every second, their soul fog by lust and desire, to succeed with the pleasure of having gold in their hands which could not bring forth to their grave. Having external pleasure is not achieving tr happiness, have a thought of what you have been doing, how have u treated others, how much have you contribute for the higher good, how much help have you given out, how much sacrifices have you done which is not for yourself?...This difficult realistic life blurs the vision of almost every human, self treasure is what comes first. Each phase humans go through are fill with challenges, it is easier to walk away on your own than to carry a burden on your back, you may then have all your glory but worth does it give by leaving a man behind? Carry the burden of others while helping them to walk along with you is the hardest challenges around, not everyone are willing to do so as not one could achieve everything in a single go...Anyhow, will-power is one of the seven keys... It is your choice to choose, whatever your path leads you to, hope it leads you to where you want it to be. But do at least think of the others who once help led you there that you abandoned, especially your parents...This is all easier to be said than done, the fact is that no one is perfect, our heart is moved by many things...even the one who wrote out this post...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Before Christ, After Death...
The major blockbuster spin-off story of Billy shall be unveil in this all new blog of emptiness. Do not mind the casual and simple design so far, more to come once I found a more skillful person in doing blog skin and stuff like that. The fourth blog about Billy it shall be as he takes himself away from the old forgotten but not so forgotten so called misery crap to the words of total world destructing domination to new world order and calm and serenity.
Those words above should be read by the late Don Lafontaine, it might sound really ONE-MAN-ONE DESTINY-EPIC voice trailer there. Nothing much of a tale to be scattered in this post, await the la grandieur return of Billy with a new face, new voice, new smell, new hair and pubes, new attitude, new ear wax, longer shit than his longest shit in the bowl, lamer than ever. Fall of the Billy before christ, rise of the TerroRazor after death. New journey, new adventure, one destiny, and one dick to rule them all. Clear the lands as the razors blaze with a grands, now it is time to bang your head as if you are up from the dead. Pound to the ground like the skin tore from the hound. Victory in doomnation is the enlightenment.
Brace yourself to be dwell in this simple mind as it won't be as simple as it seems. Get twisted and reaped like it nobody's business. Lead your thought to the place that it seems, at the same time it is not like what it seems. Go through the six hundred and sixty six days in the 9 level of crimson flames, there you will see yourself holding on to your "ring", your true nature bring you to the depth of insanity with the greatest sanity of life... Look and decipher the ugly truth...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)