The pain that never was...

      Humans are such sad creature to start off with. A material being with an empty soul, to be filled with despair and sorrow as time brings them along a journey they never knew. Some turn their sorrow into evil, some use it for the greater good of themselves. Humans are never perfect in many ways or any ways, they are defenseless and weak no matter how strong they thought they are. Nothing  more than just a pitiful being who seeks empathy from greater power that none of us can see. Desperateness drives them over the boundaries, sadness drives them off the roof, depression leaves them in an unstable trance. But what can they decipher? It is all made out from their own actions and emotions, nothing more than just weaklings who wants to oppress others and seek pleasure and benefits for themselves. All live in their own personal delusions but all with the same cause, the bad thinks they are good and the good thinks they are better, and the better thinks they are the best, the best thinks they are God. Lust and desire, pride and arrogance, high and mighty is what brings the fall upon mankind, the decline of a civilization that was never civilized. Civilized was only claim by themselves while they oppress the barbarics and unacceptable in their point of view, when they claim people must accept people which is just words but never action. Humans speak more than action, speech differs from the heart, and the heart differs from the words spoken. Empty feeble words, broken promises, that is what they do best. Degrading people, hurting each other in any ways, neglecting the truly weaker ones, and thirst for material possession. The traits of the most complex living organism in this planet Earth. Humans live in a state of doubt and paranoia, timid creatures whom feared the scythe of the reaper. As time progresses on to a new age, newer technologies pushes humans to every limits yet complicating life further into a state of mental decline and physical abnormalities. What values does it portray? What benefit does it give to the inner core of humans other than just material pleasures and comforts? No one speaks of that anymore, even the act of altruism this days have an agenda behind every moves of it. Humans are just sneakier, cunning and nastier as the world progresses. Will a new messiah rise for the savior of the souls, or had the truth been concealed once again that in fact the Anti-Christ is originally the true messiah who will save every bit of humans?

The world knows you no longer... In fact, it never once knew you...

      Everyone is mortal, and mortals are humans, and humans ain't perfect in every single way. Not even the Gods. You can tell your lover how perfect they are but you know best how things work and that they are not perfect in every way. The fact is, nothing is perfect, the only closest is near perfection. Humans have many sights and perspective towards whatever they experience, there is no right and wrong but only ethical and unethical, moral and immoral values. Do not force them to believe in what you believe but only let them believe through their own will. If people do not listen, do not force them to listen, let them listen in their own will. If they do not heed to advise, do not force but let them accept with their own will. Through free-will only people could live on with ease and happiness without being tormented and tortured to follow the leader who is never was.
      A thought runs through his mind, that he could no longer continue living for others sake, he will lost his own nature if it is going to be that way for a long period to come. Losing the freedom to give him a chance to embark on something most people do not believe in, confiding in the feelings of others makes him cold towards his ownself, blaming himself for everything that had, has and soon to happen. Being there for people when he could but in the end he receive the cold shoulder and the bitter looks and sarcasm. Being look down upon, strip him off his confidence, as though he do not own the feeling of an ordinary human being. There he goes down on his knee for the people, was it worth it? What benefit you gain from them? It is time to move on, people come and go in life, throw the old and pick the new, start a fresh and rise up to a new level. How much longer can he hold on to it, not any longer he hope, burn the rope and give way to a fallen bridge, maintain the distant, walk away and never look back.
      Being around with people of his choice is the same choice being made by everyone. They do not want to be with people they do not want to be, that is norm from the beginning of time where homosapiens begin stomping the soil of earth. If people do not like a certain kind of humans, they can't expect everyone to think like them. He has his own choice, and his choice is made is solely in his hands of his own fate. Say the words he could not see, like in hell he cares. Draw the picture he could not see, like in dungholes he cares. It does not change who he is whichever side he is with, but only his silent thought remains constant of his own conscious.
      As silent as he could be in his recent days, an invisible barrier caught in between. He doubts the humans, he doubts those he use to trust. It does not seem like what he expected anymore. People change and yes that is how it works, humans are progressive creatures created to progress from one step to the other. The progression made either to be on the left or the right path, whichever it is chosen, nothing much he could do but to just sit, wait and watch. Still the eyes that he could see that shall remains for the rest of his life with eternity and beyond is the eyes of his true brother...\m/...

Rust in Pieces...

      When two worlds in a universe got torn between themselves. Living in contrast with each other, different beliefs and thoughts. What comes to you? A collision that cause a mass space eruption. He is torn between 2 beliefs just like a split personality, a reflection that does not reflect at all, like a devil on the left and an angel on the right. A desire to commit evil and sin, an urge to kill, to hurt people around him is what he intends for from deep within the core of his inner heart when he felt the rage building up upon him. When darkness just shed its skin on him, driven him to temptation to commit desecration on anyone he seems he should place his rage on. A sign of danger to those close to him, for those humans he shall deceive and deceit. Without any compassion and rational thought he just wants to commit evil as it satisfy his sadistic-like intentions.
      A tormented soul he possessed, that lay's unrest. Now he seeks for peace for his soul, to wash away the malevolent stains, he crave himself for spiritual enlightenment, to maintain a balance in soul. He needs to be saved for once not by anyone but by the words of wisdom and philosophy he shall engraved into his mind. A lesson from the unforgotten legend, start the path of a spiritual journey that shall lead him to a new light of darkness. The good darkness shall rise and no, he shall not rot in pieces, but rest through realization and enlightenment.

Denial fiend...out from the dark...

      After all this while, he realize what he truly wants, and whom he truly cares and adores. A period of denial and self-fulfilling prophecy that prophecized something which is not meant to be, something that never existed and never will. A delusion he kept within himself, disperse of into the crimson moonlight. Affirm of the his feelings, what more he do but just could not stop laying his eyes on the one who is far and yet so very far. A stint of absence of the presence which never fades at all, comes the clarion call into his weak mind, body and soul. The eyes met and theres no doubt from what his eyes absorb, the returning essence of what he felt centuries ago. Now come back forth, into his life where it leads him to another path, a path with eternal spots of lights, glimpse of hope and confident spreads itself around the core of his black heart. Leave the past behind, just another lesson to endure. Ahead comes marching an army of newly created hope. He who do not want to leave behind, he who will be there even how far he must be, just a watchful eyes is enough to give him the grace that had long forsaken him. A new beginning to an abrupt end, slowly he shall lift himself from the decaying land, he must not be stopped...

Torn between two...

      When you think you are in love with someone else but actually it is not like how you think or feel. A self-fulfilling prophecy of your own that makes the call of your thoughts and choice. He saw her smile one day and thought how sweet her smile can be, twice she look and smile, and next is thrice the final one she made to him. That twitch comes back again towards her. Yet, a twitch is felt towards the another one he believes he could not grasp hold on, a one that a chance deem impossible to catch.

      What is it that he ask for, whom is the one he could consider his other half? A question sought to be answer one day, one moment, but never now. He has lose all the confidence and might within his inner self, something that a serum cannot put a cure to it. One of the both, whom shall that be? When he thought everything was just a simple crush and that everything is over does not create a logical picture to what he is feeling now. It does not make sense, why must she come back again to his sight. 3 weeks more a start of a new beginning. The story shall be unfold by then. Caught between two emotions. Torn between his very own heart. A mind to spare for this?...\m/...

The left hand path of a right hand mind...

      A subconscious voice speaks to him from beyond, the voice where everyone has for their own. The voice he thought he never had but subconsciously speaking to him in ways no one can decipher.

      The right side said to him: You live your life for others, be selfless and do good for those around you. An act of altruism a day keeps the bitterness away. Do not bother of what others say about you, as long you know exactly what you are doing and you are walking to the right direction. Be positive over the your failure, as a lesson to your next move and steps. Do not have bad thoughts on others, be equal to all no matter who they are. Everyone deserves chances in their life to move on, so do not judge them by just their flaws. Be sincere and friendly to those people around you, do not lie to them and yourself. Do not deceive people or prepare to be deceive. Honesty is the best policy.Do not impose upon others what you do not desire upon yourself. Be moderate, show empathy and mercy to those people who always steps in your way. Give fair judgment and justification to everyone. Respect your elders, respect your friends and your teachers. Remember the good deeds people do for you and those who help you in your way. Repay them back what is necessary. Learn to trust people.

      The left side said to him: You cannot live for others, you can only live for yourself if you want to succeed. Be more selfish than selfless four you to gain absolute power for yourself and not splitting it unnecessarily with others. Do not trust people or never to trust anyone easily even if you know them for a decade or so, people change and they can betray you anytime. Destroy those who comes in your way until the extend of taking lives if you have to. Show no mercy in your actions, only pure aggression and brutality. Soft spots only leads to failure and people taking advantage of you. Dictate the people, be a leader of your own and show them what you are made off. Wipe their blood on your blade if they ever to defy you. Use their help to your advantage, accept every offer and opportunity they give, it is your chance to make use of those in your side. They can be of great tool to you for your success. Fight only for yourself, fighting only four yourself brings out the best in you. Stick to your prinsips. and never let anyone correct your opinions and beliefs. Be true only to yourself and annihilate those who tries to convert you into something you do not desire. Sacrifice what you need for your own, you are your world, and the world is you. Inspire yourself from the traits of the AntiChrist, the new messiah of the new world order.

The matter of choices...it's in your hands...

      This is all solely based on my opinions and thoughts and nothing more, those who find it words from a naive mind and felt offended to what I am about to say, please with all respect leave this mind and never let it bother you because it is the last thing I wish from anyone of you...
    
      Religions and beliefs seems to be an act of indoctrination these days with strong persuasion and force. We must accept what you believe in and do as you say, if not we will not receive judgment on judgment day and we will be doomed eternally in the fires of hell. Words from those that says "Come, join us in our path and you will be cleanse of your sins, accept God and you will be free of all wrong-doings". Everything that has got to do with faith in a God we are not able to clarify it's existence, all we know is actually what he heard and read from various third, fourth, fifth etc parties whom they claim to have come in contact with the holy and scripts that had been brought down to us ever since the dawn of religions...
      Do realize how distorted words can become as it spreads from one person to other and it goes on with a never-ending flow. It will be a totally different tale when it reaches to the ear of the last of humanity, and that is where the lost teachings are found and people will learn only the distorted truth. From the rise of the first messiah who claims to have direct contact with the divine from above brought the lords words to the people and the people start writing it down as scriptures to be brought down to the next generation. Each hand it was passed on to, the words got twisted in a certain manner and as far as time can tell, we do not know how twisted those supposed-to-be holy words of truth are.
      How far it gets with the twisted words, no religion ever thought us to do bad nor hurting others, theres no excuse to condemn religions as it is always a guide for people to do only good in life. To love and care for others, and to achieve what is to be called pure enlightenment in life. It is the people themselves who interpret it the other way round and make things as twisted as it gets. It is all in the hands of humans that they kill and sacrifice for the Lord when it was never stated as an obligation in the holy scriptures. People who despises other people just because they left a religious group, just because they did not attend a class or lecture on that certain religion, just because they do not want to dwell in any further in it, you bad mouth them and give them cock stares for not being part of your petty group of superficial delusions over what you think is right or wrong. Is that what you are taught to be? Is that what your God tell you to do? Is making someone who is not willing from their heart to join you to join you just to satisfy your wants and desire for yourself and that little group of yours? You claim yourself to know a lot more than others, to know the goodness of the Lord and is that what you think the Lord wants from your actions? I feel you are just nothing more than a typical human being who does not want to lose any support for your lil groupies there...
      Everyone has their choice in what they want to believe in, there is no point in forcing them to believe in something they still have doubts. We all live in a sphere of choices where we decide for our own, where we seek our own path. There is no need for your hand to lead the blind as the blind are able to walk on stones of fire and climb the walls of knives without a rope binding on their nose. If that is what someone chooses, do not put them in a situation they do not wish to choose for themselves, let them live up to their feelings and intuition on where they want to go. Dipping in holy water and going through ceremony does not mean a thing when the heart isn't fully there to be awaken and accept  and believe in that faith, it does not symbolizes a thing. If someone needs to follow a doctrine just because they went through the ceremonies, what difference does it make with a mafia-like secret society and religion??? As long you believe in a faith then that is faith where you belong to, as long the heart says so, that is where your stand is at. That is who you really are where you do not need to hide under a mask and faking a smile to those who fake at you. Believe in what you believe in, whether or not you think it is right or wrong in the eyes of those around you, because when it comes to only you, you are the only one in control and no one else. \m/...

The moment that changed it all...

......Today is the date once again, 29th March it is for those who knew which is only the both of us that once remember it so well. Time has changed and yet it is only me sitting in the room awaiting for the clock to tick 12.01am but managed to get on it at 2.50am to state this out. It is only me now who knows and remember it well, better than none, I will be the one to secure this memory where we once share. I will be the one holding the key to the hidden chest where no one sees other then me and only be shown to you.
      It is the date once again where it comes back to me of how it all begins. Without you, I might not be who I am today, the things you taught me where I was once too stubborn enough to heed which I am now in a certain way. You made me thought a lot of how things works and how much I appreciate what was once gone and will always be gone. Through the test of time I endure, I am still standing here showing my gratitude to whom only you know. Unforgettable moments I still own in my mind, imminent happiness was where I once stood, where I truly smile at the grace you shine upon me. You lead me to the a land where non of a nobleman could ever step, but I deep my foot into the soil like any nobleman would. But I will never be a noble in your eyes, not a virtue in your mind, not a soul in your heart.
      No worries there, whatever ought to happen, when all man crumble and get down on their knees to face their judgment, I shall be the last one standing to hold you on until the very end. Just say my name, I will gladly be there at your service no matter what resentment you betrothed upon me. I may not be perfect, I may not be the one, but heed this, you shall thy will always care. That is all what I can afford to do at least for once in hope of getting a glimpse of your smile once again...


It has already been four years since that fateful day, after all that's been through, to me, theres nothing more than words can say. We know we never wanted it anymore... Here are all my blessings I wish for your eternal bliss...\m/...




29th March 2011, 3.13am...