Only courtesy...

      We apologize for the things we have done, things that have wrong others or offended others. We apologize for our mistakes, we apologize time and time again for the wrong we did. To say sorry once and once again because there is nothing you could do, the only thing you could do is to say that you are sorry. That is only what we think and what we feel from the surface...

      Saying sorry means more than just admitting your mistakes and repent for what you have done. It is more of a way to obtain permission for the actions you did or going to do, putting commands in your actions that you will do it no matter what, or just a formality or courtesy to perform the actions you are about to or have done. We know we will be sorry yet we still do it, people know it is wrong and they still perform it, why to say sorry later when you can prevent it. Sorry became a word of courtesy or indication that you will do it over your dislikes. To lighten things up you say sorry after what you have done and expect things to go the way you wanted to, or you say sorry before doing it to impose a position where no one have a say to your actions and you will still do it despite any consequences.

      Sorry became a word of permission or to tell people in a nice way that you are doing it out from your own wants and needs, to satisfy your internal pleasure and that you are a being who is full of yourself and cares about your own egotistical mind. It puts a person in a state where they got no choice whereas in the end it is their choice to do it, and sorry is being used to solve everything. You know what you going to do will bring consequences and you say sorry for doing it, which does not mean you will not do it, you will still do it out from your own wish and pleasure. The meaning of sorry does not put one in a state of remorse or repent anymore. But a word to impose your own order, a word of courtesy to what you are doing, an indirect permission that no one can object. When one says they are sorry, look deeper in their words and actions, you will see more than just a sorry, it was never a sense of realizing their own mistakes because they will still do it again and again and again, and by using the word sorry is just another way of courtesy to your actions. Never was it meant to tell that they truly learnt their mistakes, they never did learn a thing...\m/...

      

The Eternal War...\m/...

      Humans know the art of achieving happiness, we know the reason behind every depressing thoughts that comes, we all know the removal of attachment, the cure to every reason to be sad. How much motivation can one read, how much advice can one absorb, how much words can you devour, but nothing, it all comes in vain. Without a conscious, humans are swayed by the air of of thoughts that grow into emotions. The eternal battle that wages on, the one man war, for all ages is against their very own reflection.
       Looking into the mirror, you see your very reflection staring back at you, what does it says to you, what does it signifies to you, is that you in the parallel realm of the opposites, the alternate you that reflects what is bounded within your existence. You tell yourself how you ought to be, but what is stopping you is you yourself that comes to speak. So to speak, we are all alone, no matter how many people we have around you, all you got is yourself to choose and see between the lines of your life. You feel the satisfaction of being around people, you laugh and talk and have fun in every situation, but what does it represents only the one that the speaks of his mouth and not his heart, no matter how much friends we got, the family we have, we are still lonely beings who would just ourselves to our own world. he falls into his hollow years of decay, an abyss of his own. Feeling everything around him, yet to know that he is all alone contemplating the order of his existence. Everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.
      Loneliness the essence of thoughts. Loneliness the purification of the mind. Loneliness the detachment of emotions. Loneliness that fills the empty vessel. Loneliness provokes imaginations. Loneliness the source of illusions and delusions. Loneliness the decisive of what you ought to choose to be. Being alone is one that is hard to bare, nobody wants to be alone. Nobody wants to feel the dilemma between them of who and what they are. Being alone is facing your demon, the painstaking emotions that disturbs, you talk to yourself silently or aloud, you feel lost in the midst, nothing is there that could help. What you think might be the cure, is nothing and no one but your very own self. Humans find companionship in one another to keep themselves happily alive, living in lies, succumb to false happiness was never a cure, it is nothing but self-escaping from the reality of your inner self. Everything is dwelled withint you, the problems that occur, you take it on your own. Holding it back, suppressing it in your guts, you feel your need to regurgitate but you hold it back to. You open your mouth, nothing comes out but a choking sensation. The torment you put yourself through, when it could be done by just releasing it calmly from the mind, and to clear your soul. One feel the need to be depress, the need to feel down to satisfy what your mind wants. You complain of how terrible you felt when you let it come upon yourself. You open the door to sadness. You never realize but you are enjoying what you are going through. A sense of masochism of your emotions. You place yourself from illusions to delusions. You never care of anything that goes around you. You let yourself sit in the corner of your large room and go through a sense of claustrophobia from your thoughts and feelings.
      The worst enemies comes from loneliness, the battlefield of our own shadows. The battle of our own mind, body and soul. Only one who could defeat him/herself shall they deserve the qualification to help others defeat their own demons. Never be a hypocrite of telling others what to do and you could not do it on your own. Overcome your loneliness, make it as a partner of yours who will go through every single moment of hardship and happiness. Embrace your ever existence with compassions of your own. In the end we are all lonely creatures, we are originally of our own. Never can you escape this reality because it will always end up in your very own mind and soul. Where the decisive choice is made, is who you ought to be. To be alone, or to be one with loneliness...\m/...

Bearer of pain, and suppression of selfishness...\m/...

      Love, the thing that humans seek, ever since they are born, love is what adolescents drive themselves crazy for, love is what people aims. Nothing more but material satisfaction to their life, when all they want is just a partner to be with, to claim that is love, is something too much to of a word to describe. Love is undescribable, love no one could tell, love is simple but at the same time it transcends everything from the simple mind of humans. Exploited by the media, which uses the theme of love in almost every shit of their production, makes thins such a cliche in love. Yes, humans may cry to their hearts content to the touching story of love, wishes to be in the same position as those characters they saw, its too surreal to be true, love was never such a nice thing like what humans see, nothing of friendly to humans, nothing like what humans think it is. True love, who can tell, what can tell?
      The only true love that can really consider to be pure and true, is the love of parents to their child. They have love you ever since you're in the mother's womb, mothers goes through the average 9 months of carriage, in the period of it suffers from attack of kicks and vomiting, morning sickness and temper management, yet they still carry on until the end, until they bear the pain of having you out into this world. The moment you are out is the moment they sacrifice everything for your sake, both father and mother, sacrifice everything for your well-being, in hoping for your life to be better in the future, nothing more but for your well-being, never ask for anything in return and willingness to give and keep on giving in the expense that you will do well. How they might treat you, or wicked they may seem at times, but deep inside how can we tell, how much they care. If you think they do not care or love, they wouldn't have raised you up in the first place, giving you the clothes to wear, and the food to eat, a bed to sleep, a home to stay.
      Love between 2 people, as humans call it, in a relationship, couple, a pair or whatever you want to name it. Stating each time to each other "I love you". Each claim they love each other, but what do they know about love? Are they certain they are really in love with one another. The love that can be said so simply out of nowhere, so simple yet deep, can one imagine that love is actually more than love itself? If love is that simple, you can love anyone, you can be in a relationship with anyone. Anyone is the same as everyone to you, just something part of your life and everything.
      It takes one person to determine it all, you need that person because it is that person, you want to spend time with that person because it is that person, you want to take care and protect that person because it is that person, the only individual. Until the time the love comes in, it will be hard to say you love the person because one will feel that it is more than just plain love itself, love you can love anyone, feelings can come anyone, but only when this one particular person that stops the time you live in at the very moment you stand in. This love is transcendental, it transcend everything you think is love. When it just comes at the point where all you want is just for that person to be happy. It may seem idealistic to say this, but it is the reality to love, the reality that is vague or blinded by many. This transcendental love is unconditional. Love is unconditional, no expectations, and just give your best for that person. Everything in hoping for her/him to be happy no matter what. The love that you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness and wellbeing just for her/him. To let go off her/him for their happiness. Yes, love is unconditional might sound a little cliche and common to the ears and eyes of many, but how many is able to do it, is to able to bear the pain for one. The pain and sufferance is never the burden, only you yourself is the burden but never of the love of you to that is a burden, it is the will of your heart, your innermost soul that you want them to be happy all the time. Even in what state you are in, it is still her/him to come first. One can never be hurt, one can never feel the sadness, one can never expect, one can only be happy just for that one person, only to bear the pain of the consequences of your sacrifice.
      To love, is not to love him/her for who she/he is, but to love her/him for her/him himself/herself and nothing more. There is no such thing as "I love you for who you are", no matter what she/he becomes it is still who they are just that they grow out of their older self into another personality, which is also who they are. Unless you expect them how they are to be. Acceptance and not tolerance, realize, awareness that brings up to understanding. Just give and never expect anything in return, love is always without expectations naturally. It might seem hard to achieve, but when the time comes it will just gradually grow from within. Love is the bearer of pain and suppression of selfishness...\m/...
   

In between truth and delusion...

      Have we ever thought, the world is made by our minds, our imaginations, our perceptions, the world we live in is the world of our own with a few connection to certain people that seems to comes into play with our mind and imaginations. We create our own world, our life, our experience and our senses and we create what we want to see and hear. This life is our own, we create through our mind and senses, this is the reality we create but not the reality we dwell in most of the times. Mindless delusions, comes forth, brings upon sorrow or pain, false happiness and many more. Mindless self indulgence of an unseen ecstasy that makes it way into our mind. What is seen is perceive differently into our mind causing us to over react and create an all new version and story of it, our inner masochistic emotions, taking joy over the pain and sorrow we felt. Deep inside, you like to feel the world coming down upon you, you like the feeling of sadness and depression taking its toll over your petty self. You create your own self-delusion of what is happening, what was never true is true within your senses, you take the sadistic joy of letting it out on others. 

      Humans create their own world through their minds, what happens around them and what they see is interpret by the mind each held on strongly. Emotions are develop and brings back long felt memento and develop a sense of an old-self back into the present self. With that, it makes humans to develop their own sense of delusion that was never true, they see and hear what they think it is true and develop a concept of self-predicting story of what is happening and what is going to happen. You enclose it deep within yourself, you stay within your world, you trap yourself in a world of deceit and deception. You take this upon others, believing that everyone is deceiving you. You ruin the one who you really are, drive yourself into insanity and put yourself in solitary confinement.

      Lies puts one into delusion, and lies by others and lying to yourself, making yourself believe in a lie and live in your own world of lies. False happiness, faking bliss out of everything. You never see it and never will, we live and think how we want it to be and be kept in that way as long as time could tell. It is one of the greatest torment is that you do not see or realize its a torment to your soul. You do not want to accept and know that you had already lose everything you got, you do not want to get back to the reality beyond your very own reality.
      Another form of delusion forms from your past, puts you in a zone of discomfort and insecurity, you think people had always been betraying you, and you are being betrayed all the while, you are being lied upon. You take away all those trust upon others, putting yourself in a high degree of doubt, doubt that never was. You place yourself in doubt of others, when everything is not like what it seems to be playing in your mind. Being deceive by your emotions, letting it take control over your heart and mind. Thus like an old film replaying itself all over again in your mind no matter how much assurance you're given, you still ask the same old question when it will always be the same because it is the pure truth and you do not give in to that, in sufferance you dwell in your own mind. Full of attachments, never free, and never will...Only a larger sacrifice could be done...or only time can tell...\m/...

Never expect,

Never demand,
Never assume...\m/...

All well ends well...

      I did not expect much for this very day to turn out into a day I longed for since I invest a large sum of cash for this (to me it's really a large sum). I am still able to do achieve my objectives and also had an alternative ending to the night which I never expected that turn out in a way that I totally did not see from the beginning. I felt apprehensive over what I sacrifice for, I almost back off from this but tonight it made me realize that if things you want did not reach into your hands, better things will come for you. Something that comprehend with your feelings and thoughts, a natural sense of wants and belonging.
      It just does not feels like how it use to be for ditching your good friend  you know for quite some time for someone you do not really know at all. The attraction of the opposites just kills off your own nature and self-conscious, just made you into someone you are not. Which is a vital situation to be in, a firm grip must be held on your virtue and princips and never let it down unworthily.
      I manage to go for "Tyranny of 8" gig to meet up with my friend, just dropping by before heading on to a ball. Yes, the awkward moment being the only mass comm student to attend. Really glad to be sitted on the right table, ironically the name of the table is the name of hated-once-I-use-2-b-a-fan book/movie "twilight". Praise the good demon, I was sitted between two people whom I get to be friends with and able click really well. I would like to tell everyone not to miss a chance when you got it right in front of your eyes, do not hesitate if you really want it to be yours even for that moment. Because I blew that away with too much hesitation and doubts. Too much of a thought drives me into a state dilemma that will never end unless I decide firmly on what I choose, but what happen is due to my own actions and I face the consequences for it. If that is what you want, think less and do more, you only got one shot for that, it is now or never, and no matter what the effects are, at least you are courageous enough to stand up for your aims and desire (a proper desire).
      My mission had failed. Misleading recon of the whole situation. Anyway, things turn out well in the end. A night to enjoy with new people whom I considered as friends during the night and beyond into the future. Things did not turn out the way I expected, but it was still in a good way or even better. Something we could not tell in life, we will never expect how the plot will twist for you in the end, a subconscious mind that give you what you deserve better without realizing it...\m/...
    

The common tale to a wicked fail...

      When one live their lives with the will to learn and to being acceptance to every changes that comes and go, it is time where they will learn to reawaken from what they thought is the real world they live in. It is always fun to poke fun of people, getting the attention, gaining fame, brag about oneself over the capabilities they actually have, down-grading others to promote your own better abilities, what's worse humiliate your friends and create a not-so-good perception of your friends to others. There are more than just what is listed out, but it is enough being said for now. Many people tend to do things like that, because it is hell easy to be done and it gives a high satisfactory rate.Yes, laughter and many more laughter to you and those who lay upon their ears. What does it feel being the one who got laughed at for some embarrassing moments, moments that you only want to keep it under limited breach. As shitty as it may sound, its shittier to be one to feel it. You make others look bad in order to make yourself look good, you speak great of yourself in every ways, the awful pride you garner within your soul, you think other's could not do better than you, discriminate others in a way that is beneficial for you. Does it sound totally an act of absurdity? Do you realize that you actually are doing it without realizing it, because it feels good isn't it, yes, evil deeds are fun and easy to be done, even subconsciously. It is in-born within all of us. Self-control and humility plays an important role in the life of all humanity, moreover, an essence that strives people to their age of victories. Never it was in-born, but should be learnt, realize and cultivated within all. I know how people always say, why should we be someone we are not, let us just be ourselves. Being true to yourself in a way that takes away all your value, was never how people be themselves. If people were to always be themselves, to actually be TRUE, 99.99% of the human population in this world will be born despicable demons and filthy angels. Think about it, if you think you are really true to yourselves, why are you still following the rules, heeding the words of your parents, and instilling some pieces of moral values within yourself. Your self-control is there to not be the true demons you are, as the theory implies from the biblical review, humans like you and I are born sinners, we are sinners since the day we breath air out of our mother's womb. We are vulnerable to lust and desires, the feeling of false satisfaction, to satisfy our inner wants.
      Humility is one of the hardest value to be practiced among people. It takes hard work and self-control to let your ego and pride down for a time being. Many people do not want to feel defeated or be defeated in the eyes of the others. They want to show how big they can be, how big they can do and so on and so forth. Thus, competition is born among people. A good thing or the other way round? A debate that could go on for ages, but as for me personally, humility is one of the key to gain true respect from people. It is and never was easy to achieve that sense of value. As we all know, how technology has progress and how the world is becoming so competitive, so-called modern people see traditional values as something of the past that should not be placed in the present-modern-day, something they would always like to say "OUTDATED" or "OLD-FASHION". To what I see on people who thinks this way are naive, more naive than they could be. Those values aren't out just for fun, there are reason why it lasted for centuries and millenniums, there are reasons why it was created to be taught to the people of the world. Everyone of us has to admit we got our own ego and pride, sometimes it tends to get out of control. But think about it, successfully practicing a value that counter your hard super ego, isn't that an achievement that we should all be glad off because it is and never was easy to achieve. A true insight of the beauty off a decent and good life as a human being. We all end up getting sucked into our own ego and pride, raising and maintaining your pride by all means even to discriminate others, something we cannot be proud off. \m/

True pride...

      I see the people in many ways, I perceive the way of living in various ways, various solutions were up but only 1 path is to choose with their own individual pros and cons. After all this while, you are always angry at how people see in you, how people talk about you and how they perceive you. It may always seem it is intentionally to demoralize you, the words as sharp as the blade, that could pierce through anything especially your feeble heart and feelings. You are perceive to not able to give security to others, you cannot do it is what they tell you. Does not give you a chance to stand up for yourself.
      Should you take that into considerations and develop doubts within yourself? Should you be afraid to face others and do things they think you cannot do in front of others? Never ever let those words and thoughts influence the way you live, you know yourself better than anyone else but do not judge yourself, let others judge you how they want to, only use those relevant as a guide. Those judgment and words that comes to knife you down mercilessly shall be put aside to be cremated within your subconscious flame.
     Remember, you are who you are, your thoughts and beliefs is all yours, what they think of you or say of you is nothing but mere words from people who just could not think better for themselves and only see the weak point of others. You know your reason for the actions you do, you know the positivity it brings to you and those around you. Fear not the people, you are unique in your ways, your pride is yours and never was for the others. Be true to yourself and never change in order to be look upon in a certain group of people or to please people's expectations. One day, they will realize it...\m/...

Trivial as life could be, but never let it deceive the mind...

      Yesterday and yesterday, 2 yesterdays ago, what it seems to be another dull day with the usual event that occur just like any other day. He step out of his lair to prepare to go for his classes, there he met the common cat playing around at the stairs of his apartment. He stops in his track and play with the little furrrball for a moment, it started to follow him around for the moment before it began to attempt its way into his home. He got to chase it away before it could struck lightning down upon his mother who could not bare closure with felines. Who will ever expect what will happen to that cat, with it's innocent eyes and all it wants is only food, peace and happiness. Just like humans like all of us who still lives on in this world on two feet, we are but no different from animals, we feel as they feel and they feel as we feel. Just an ordinary day it seems, nothing shall befall upon you in any brink of a second. Ignorant to our own ordeal, we stand before everything without a thought.

      As night falls upon the land, the glimpse of dawn starts their early signals with a crescent of the aurora. There he arrive home safely after drinking rums, there was nothing around him but only the silence of the humans and the choir of the crickets. A chilly night where he saw the same little cat that he met in the morning, it became a social animal friend of him. A playful cat it was, with so much spirit in that little fellow, seemingly optimistic over everything. He made signals and sound to summon the cat to follow him around, the cat came around to him. It follow him across the road but it stopped halfway and lie on the ground. He turn around and saw it rolling on the ground like how all cat's feels good rubbing their back against something. He lays out his hand, and the little cat tries to grasp onto his hand as he kept taking it back to tease the little fellow. He did it again and finally the little cat manages to get a tap on his hand with it's paw. An adorable and innocent sight, like a child free of sins. He walk away to head home but yet he turns around again to call for it to follow him but it did not and kept continuing rolling on the ground. He notices a headlight shining from afar, yes it is the sound of a car. It is moving really fast. He had assumption in his mind that the car will stop as it is an apartment area where speed is not acceptable and it will slow as it comes nearer. The car did not slowed and drove on really fast and in an instant with a dash of a light speed, it ran into the little cat lying in the middle of the road. It wanted to got away but it was too slow. The car sped off being ignorant about what he has ran upon. He stood there watching everything that happen right under his nose, in front of his stained eyes. The cat just got drove upon it's head and neck and it is wretching and twitching and swirling in pain of sufferance. How could he bare his eyes upon that sight, it is already too late, nothing could be done, a certain death for it. He turns and ran back into his home, feeling the guilt and remorse of what he witness. How sad it was to see such grief on such weak petty being. Whilst the strong, dominating and unhonorable indecent beings still live with infinity gold on their hands that continue on with their exploitation of their conspiracy.

      He could save the cat if he did not stood and think and just grab the cat from the road while it is still possible or he could just signal the car to stop. It happen too fast for him to give a thought. The cat died in pain, the horrid expression when it suffers unnecessarily for the sins it never committed. Once in the morning it plays around on the stairs and he look at it but never thought that it was the last sunrise the cat will ever see. The last warmness of the sunlight it will ever experience. The last chills in the night it will ever feel. In that moment when he sees the cat, being as active and cheerful as it always has been, never has he thought it shall in another couple minutes, its life will end under the tyres of a indecent maniacal driver. Once he witness a kitten fall to its death from above right onto the ground few inches from his foot and now he witness a cat being run over by a car. He witness death on a birthday of his friend. 

      Life is unpredictable in many ways, we do not know what will happen or when our time will come. It can be any moment from now, like in a few minutes to 30 second after reading this post. Such things just brings realization that in one day the person you love will have the possibility to be gone from your for good without you knowing it and you wouldn't have a chance to even say farewell. Start to think of what you have done in your life, how much have you contributed for your love ones, how much happiness have you given to people around you, what do you have now and appreciate every single bit of it. Know your moments well and appreciate the "now" moments than thinking too much of future cravings and desire. Use your time wisely with whatever you got for the greater good for yourself or others. Life shall not be led with regrets or remorse, but with righteous glory and purity from within. Whatever that is going to happen, humans shall fall with grace. We all live in a dangerous world now and what we can't see is lurking among us that will grasp the final breath at any period. Watching your backs will not work and being overly cautious with high tech defensive and offensive systems will never work as well.

P.S:  Amitabha...\m/...